I don't have any super powers. Really, I don't. Yes, it's true: I have no special powers over the registration system, Bear Tracks. Heck, I can't even do half the things students can in Bear Tracks.
To do lists? That's pretty neat. Swapping classes? Very handy. Watch lists that send notifications to your email or cell phone? Awesome! Of course, I don't need these features. Which is good, because I don't have access to them anyway.
I bring up my sad lack of registration-fu because all of my classes this term are full. Still, some brave souls come to each and every class in the hope that a spot will open up. They plead with me, "Superman, save me" or "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope." Nope, sorry. You've got the wrong guy.
I don't have access to any back doors in Bear Tracks. I can't add you to the class, and I can't increase (or decrease) the size of the class. I know there are empty seats: that's because some students don't come to every class. (By the way, I'm fine with you coming to my class even if you're not registered, but there is one limitation. If there are no more seats left and some students are left standing, that is a violation of fire regulations. At that point, I'll have to ask those who are not actually registered to leave.)
The good news is that some students will sit through one or two of my lectures and will say to themselves, "This prof sucks," and they'll look for another class. That will open up a spot for someone else who, presumably, finds that I don't suck as much.
So, really, the only thing I can do is, well...suck as much as possible. That will weed out those who aren't really into the course, and will allow students who can endure me to get in. So maybe I really do have special powers after all: I can apply my special powers of sucking! (Wait, I don't think that came out right...)
Why aren't you studying?
The Registration (or, "Can you get me into your class?")
The First Day of Class (Redux)
I've posted on the first day of class before, but I wanted to do another take on it. You probably noticed there's something I didn't do on the first day: Teach.
Considering the shortage of time I have, and the huge amount of things I'd like to talk about, it may seem odd that I didn't take advantage of whatever time was left over after going through the syllabus. But I have my reasons.
1. Time. After jabbering on and on about the course, there's not a whole lot of time left to start lecturing. It's nice to get a good flow going; it's not so good to get on a roll and then have to stop.
2. Practicality. Lots of you will print out the notes and bring them to class. But on the first day, very few of you will have brought them with you. Plus, a lot of students do some serious course-shopping during the first week or two of classes (not you, of course). Then there are the people who are still lying on the beach in Cancún. So, instead of creating extra hassles for everyone, I just decide to skip it.
3. Psychological reasons (what, you didn't see that coming?). What is the most stressful time of year? Right, it's final exam time (you saw that coming, I hope). OK, now what's the next most stressful time of year? That's right, the first day of class.
You collect your syllabi, buy your books, and look at this huge pile of work you're supposed to do in the next 4 months--and you turn and walk out the door, looking for that great party your heard was going on somewhere.
So, to save you from any additional stress (heaven forbid), I ended things early. Hope you used that time wisely.
Why aren't you studying?
What I did on my summer vacation
Went on a two-day holiday. Vehicle broke down. Turned into a four-day holiday. Ended up at Sylvan Lake on a long weekend (not part of the plan, but...oh well). Probably ate too much ice cream from Big Moo. Got caught in an amazingly horrible storm on the way home--but didn't get hailed on. Kid #1 watched a DVD through it all. Kid #2 slept through it all. (Check out photo of the "human zoo," as my wife calls it.)
Edmonton's festivals are great. Went to Heritage Festival on the busiest day ever. But didn't get caught in amazingly horrible storm there, like some people did. Where else can you get so much awesome food from around the world? Huh? E-town, baby. (Check out photo of, er, porta potties. Nice shot, honey.)
OK, another festival--Cariwest. Kids love parades. Kids of all ages, I mean. Yeah, another festival. If you're not in Edmonton over the summer, like, where are you? Seriously, if you're "going back home" at the end of April, you are so missing out. (See the photo of--is that former city councillor Michael Phair?)
Went to Capital Ex. Rides. Food that's so bad, it'll give your cardiologist a heart attack. And the highlight of the whole year if you're 5 years old. Which I'm not. But hey, I live vicariously. The worst thing was that I got beat at minigolf. The best thing was riding the little train that I haven't been on since I was 5 years old. (To be clear: not riding it by myself, or anything. Riding with the kids. Like I rode on the carousel--while trying to take a photo--whoa!)
Made jam. No, seriously. I made jam. From an actual recipe. By myself. (Well...with a little help from mom. And dad.) I've got an Evans cherry tree in my backyard. Some years, I get almost no cherries. This is not one of those years. So, I make jam. I end up giving it away to people I like. No, you may not ask for some. That doesn't mean I don't like you. You just are not allowed to ask for any. My jam, my rules. (Yes, those are jars of my actual jam.)
Oh, and (in case the Vice-Dean is reading this), I worked. I worked a lot. I read five books. I read a few dozen research articles. I worked on lectures for fall and winter terms (the synesthesia stuff is really cool). Revamped two courses which have new textbooks. Updated nearly every single Powerpoint slide for better readability. Put some cool Javascript tricks into my perception and art lecture. Discovered just how seriously dangerous it is to text and drive (for the love of puppies, do NOT text and drive). I've started tinkering with a perception and magic lecture (a beta version, just a work in progress--I hope to see more research on this so I can work up a proper lecture). And I've still got more work to do. (No photos of my work. That would be really weird.)
Why aren't you studying?
The Seminar
When I started teaching, this is what I knew about teaching: Nothing. Impressive, huh?
Fortunately, University Teaching Services puts on great teaching seminars throughout the year. These seminars are typically presented by my peers: other instructors at the UofA. They have helped immeasurably with my teaching--from structuring a course, to incorporating technology, to creating better exams.
The last seminar I went to a few weeks ago, however, was off-campus, and was sponsored by Nelson Education--a textbook publisher. Why would they want to improve teaching? Of course, they're motivated by profit. They were actually promoting a new concept called Nelson Education Testing Advantage, or NETA. They've hired an educational expert in testing and exam construction to help revamp the multiple-choice questions that are provided to instructors with textbooks. The seminar was a gentle marketing event which allowed Nelson to promote their textbooks. I say, "gentle" because it was not a hard sell. Rather, they flew in the expert from Brock University to tell us (about 75 college and university instructors from the Edmonton area) how to improve our own multiple-choice questions. Attending a lecture like this, presented by a renowned expert, is pure gold.
First, I got a lot of great information, which I'll use over the summer to revamp the multiple-choice questions I've written for use in my courses. That means rewriting some (most?) of about 500 questions. It could take a while. So I'm not just going to be sitting out on a patio with a cold drink all summer--no, I've got a huge list of things to do before classes start for me again in September. In addition to revamping my m/c questions, I also have to read two newly updated textbooks and modify my lectures to reflect changes in the content. I've also got a big digital "pile" of research papers that I haven't had time to read, because I've been teaching for the past 12 months in a row. I'm also a bit of a bookaholic, so I've got a pile of those to read.
The other great thing about attending a seminar is that I'm on the other side of the lectern, sitting in a classroom, listening to an instructor, and thinking about things that enhance (or detract from) the classroom experience. I am also instantly turned back into a student, a learner, and I realize that learning never stops.
For those of you who are graduating, the university experience is over--and you're now facing the Real World. Others are gearing up for more classes in Summer term. Some of you are working, and won't be coming back to campus until the fall. But for all of us, learning will never stop.
Why aren't you--well...you know.
The Donation
I've been buying Wired magazine since issue 1.1 back in 1993. For some reason, I decided to keep every issue instead of tossing it out after reading. I have every single issue, every subscriber-only special issue, every special supplement, and every issue of Test magazine (put out by Wired's test lab before Christmas for the past few years). Actually, I should say, "I had..." A few weeks ago, I donated all my Wired magazines to the UofA library.
You know, you keep a few issues of a magazine around and eventually they start to make some pretty big piles. Then you put them in a box and the box fills up. So you get another, bigger box. And then you'll need another box, and so on. Soon, your wife is bothering you about all those boxes of magazines you're collecting and are never going to read again. Right, good point. But it seems such a shame to just...throw them out.
A few years ago, someone sold their whole collection of Wired magazines on eBay. I heard they got over $700 for them. (The photo here is of that person's collection--I never thought to take a picture of all my Wireds.) Now, it would be nice to make some cash, but the shipping would be killer: those boxes weighed several hundred pounds. (I told you I had a lot of magazines--a 16-year collection of magazines printed on heavy weight paper adds up.) So, what to do?
I noticed that the UofA library had a partial collection of Wired, but there were some gaps--especially in the first year. Hmm, why not donate them? Now I realize that the contents of Wired are available online. But not everything is online; when you read the articles online, you're really missing the impact made by the radical (and award-winning) design and layout of the magazine, especially in the early years. They used bright fluorescent and metallic inks; the magazine really stood out from everything else. And the print ads are not available online--the dot.com-era ads themselves are worth the price of the magazine. Why not give back to the library, so that others might one day have the chance to flip through these actual dead-tree things?
So a few weeks ago, I loaded up all my boxes and took them to the Book And Record Depository (sadly, the magazines are not on the shelf on campus). I was surprised to find that I'm going to be getting a tax receipt for my donation. Score!
Now I have to ensure that my wife doesn't start eyeing my comic book collection. I have, er...about 10,000 comics.
Why aren't you studying?
The Evaluations - Comments
I've spent some time recently reading the comments made by students on the teaching evaluations done for my classes last semester. I'm happy to see that no one has criticized me for being lazy or uncaring. Say what you will, I'm not that. However, some of the comments are strange, bizarre, and even just wrong.
So I'd like to reply to some of them (mostly the negative ones). Check it out. (Warning: extreme snarkiness ahead--both on my part, and on the part of those writing the comments.)
From PSYCO 104: Basic Psychological Processes:
"Switched my major to psych - enough said"Hey, don't blame me.
"...it was impossible to know everything from the book, so therefore, I think he should give us topics he wants us to know from the textbooks."So I should tell you what things you should skip--the things that won't be on the exam? Seriously? Look, just come right out and ask for a copy of the exam.
"Practice questions available...might be helpful."How about the ones on the textbook website? Or the ones on MyPsychLab?
"I felt he 'dumbed down' most of the course by speaking like we were in elementary...would have preferred 'neurotransmitter' to 'little tiny chemical messenger' as we had all been taught the correct terminology + should learn to use it. I felt almost less intelligent when leaving the class."I didn't realize that my using these terms would result in such a profoundly negative experience on your part. Next time, I shall forgo the use of any and all colloquialisms in favour of technical jargon. Enjoy!
"He is...incredibly patronizing. So patronizing I felt this class exemplified everything that is wrong with contemporary university. An expensive textbook going out of date that is 'not his fault.' Crude jokes and entertain an absence of genuine understanding of themes. Instead he collects a group of discrete facts. But, mostly, I felt patronized by the method in which the class was conducted. I read a book suggest that university are daycare centers for adults, and this class epitomizes that phenomenon."I fixed all of your many spelling mistakes. But I left your grammatical errors in. Didn't want to be too patronizing. Wow--I can't believe I actually succeeded in exemplifying or epitomizing anything. I want to thank my mom and dad, the academy, and everyone who voted for me!
From PSYCO 267: Perception:
"You were late by up to 15 minutes for every! class. I do not respect that at all! If you are here to teach and we pay for this course then we deserve your full attention for the full time each week."I was not late for every class; that is false. I was late to this class by 15 minutes; I admit this is true. But I was not late for every! class. Did I have to cut out some lecture material? No. Any lecture material? No. Did I have to race through every lecture to be able to finish all the material? No.
"...the textbook was almost not worth reading because a) there was much overlap between the lecture and the text and b) the exams did not really test the text. Perhaps more exam questions based on the text."Hey, would you like me to introduce you two? I think you'd have a lot to talk about.
"...exam content was based on [the textbook] and not lectures which made it seem like coming to class was useless."
"Assigned readings in the textbook would be nice."Er, I thought I did that. In the syllabus. Where it says, um, "Assigned readings." Are you saying the fact that I put this in the syllabus was nice? Um, you're welcome.
"[Long verbatim quote from Hannibal Lecter to Clarice Starling, but with 'Agent Starling' replaced with 'Professor Loepelmann.' You can listen to the Lecter quote here.]They have all kinds of really great drugs that can help you. I hope you feel better. I sincerely do.
PS. You're so vain you probably think this questionnaire is about you."
From PSYCO 365: Advanced Perception:
"The quizzes were helpful to keep up to date with the readings."
"...the weekly quizzes were a waste of time..."
"I enjoyed the quizzes because they helped my grade."
"I like the idea of quizzes and I did well on them but they were kind of stressful."
"M.C. [multiple-choice] component should be added"
"I was glad to finally have a psych course with long answer written exams."
"...the material should be made less abstract."
Can you see the trouble I have in trying to make everyone happy? It's impossible. How about I try this: I will structure my course in such a way that you'll be able to learn things, which you may--or may not--enjoy. This will mean employing means of assessment that you may--or may not--enjoy. I will cover material important to an understanding of advanced topics in the area of perception which might be philosophical and/or abstract which you may--or may not--enjoy.
"You rock! Don't change a thing..."Well, now you're just confusing me.
Why aren't you studying?
The Construction
I don't know about you, but I'm getting pretty tired of all the construction on campus.
It's been going on since late 2006. Since that time, I've had to detour around the construction sites, walk through mud, choke on diesel fumes, and endure all sorts of loud noise--including that incessant beep-beep-beeping of the mighty machines (does that really increase safety if they're beeping all the time?)
Because my office is in the Biological Sciences Building, there's no way for me to get to any class (or anywhere else on campus) without going through the construction; I can't go around it. Sure, the new CCIS building will be swell and all, with its shiny new lecture halls and energy efficiency. But still: Tired. Of. Construction.
On rainy days, there's mud all over. And there is literally no way for me to get to or from my office without walking through mud. I've pretty much ruined my dress shoes, because I've had to repeatedly wash them to get the mud off (I'm not keen on tracking mud into my office). And it's guaranteed that I'll have to do a batch of laundry because of the mud on my pants. Argh!
How much longer will this go on? Until 2010. That means some students will have spent their entire 4-year undergraduate time here dealing with construction. Ah, what memories! In contrast, during my time as a student (10 years in total), not a single new building was put up north of 87 Avenue.
Why aren't you studying?
(Photo by Bill Burris.)
Find It
